Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I didn't notice because vodka
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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