I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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