It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
