so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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