My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she looked like the before picture.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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