Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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