So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
