For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
