I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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