Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
