I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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