I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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