Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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