After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
