I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
