It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
