i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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