i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
