I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
