I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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