i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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