Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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