Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
