yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
