dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
