wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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