the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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