I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
