You're my little dorito
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
