i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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