in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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