I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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