One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
