About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
