ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
