The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
