NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
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