So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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