Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
