Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
