you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
