do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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