The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
