are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
