The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
