Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
