He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
