So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
