I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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