Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
