This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
