just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
