Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
