im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
