Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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