Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
