just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You made out with two different species that night
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
