I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Green mimosas i think yes
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
