she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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